1 Man, 2 Worlds: Able & Disabled.
Disclaimer: written using voice dictation… My voice is faster than my one finger. Please excuse some typos.
Is it possible to exist in two worlds at once? Probably not, but at times we all try to balance this quandary.
My name is Geoff. Half man half very costly machine. I run on electricity and coffee. I enjoy escaping into history and language. Professor X was my first hero. Sports have always been my portal to normalcy and acceptance. To say I’m passionate would be a gross understatement. A fanatic is appropriate. My baseball card would show, a proud member of the University of Texas Baseball, Media Relations 2009–2014. 2 College World Series appearances 2009, 2011. I had a cup of coffee in the big leagues at MLB Network.
I have Cerebral Palsy we might as well get that out-of-the-way early. I am held together by surgical grade Titanium. I am masters educated. I have lived all over the country-independently. From Saratoga Springs to Albany, Austin to Scottsdale and back. (Temporarily) I have global aspirations. Deutschland perhaps? Working on that.
My disability is static, but the way it impacts how I engage with the world is in a constant state of flux. To be honest, this is where I struggle. The bigger my life gets, the more recalibrating I must do. How do I achieve my evolving goals and objectives with my disability?! On the one hand my brain ( call it my right hand)… I grew up with the “normal “kids. My siblings and I take no prisoners. My friends are the same way. I love them all for it. My right hand is strong. It is my lifeline. On the other hand (my left hand) is “broken”…bent. I hold it close to my body due to my high muscle tone and spasticity. My legs fit into this group as well. They do their own thing on most days. ( I’ll make fun of myself often you can laugh.)
The space between worlds is one that most people rarely/ever see. It can a very lonely and isolating void at times. Even the people that know me best really have no idea what it’s like. Despite their best ongoing efforts to try and understand. It’s the world of a uber planner. How do I feel physically today? What to wear? Gotta be easy to put on/ take off. Will that ‘fit help or hurt my ability to transfer safely? Gotta look good though! “The Nikes on my feet keep my cypher complete.” Now, I’m on the go… I hope it’s my regular driver. He/She won’t pass me up. I am constantly making mental maps of public transportation routes, stops and sidewalks to the smallest details. Even the buses themselves, different models can change how I board the bus and where I sit. Can I make that small space work? All about angels. Think The Matrix X Chris Farley “fat man in a little coat”. All of these decisions happen fast. My brain is just wired that way.
Dealing with my disability would be easier if I wasn’t such a social person. Spontaneity doesn’t really exist. If I’m going out with friends, which wheelchair am I taking? Will my fold-up chair fit in the car? Where are we going? Can I physically get into this place? I always assume the bathroom layout is less than ideal. My team and I will make a plan for that. Oh yeah, don’t forget to turn your brain off and have fun! Sounds easy, doesn’t it?!
I often wonder how the world perceives me. Whether I like it or not my wheelchair is not subtle. My left hand and body are a little off. Not to mention the challenges I face as a result of just being human. How much do these things and others affect how I am viewed in the workplace, dating, etc? Would I have greater success if I stood at 6 feet? If you’re keeping score at home… I’m 36, single and unemployed. Life is like baseball is a game of averages. Swing away, Kid! Pass the seeds and Big League Crew! Haha! At the end of the day, I hope to be seen is Geoff. Even though that’s a lot to process during your first meeting.
I have been given many gifts. With these gifts comes a responsibility. I hope to shed light on this world and to spark conversations. You never know where new dialogs and perspectives can take us. As Paralympic champion Oksana Masters recently said: “ The more they see us, the more normal we become.” Hell Yeah!
The purpose of me writing a blog is to show aspects of the world through a different lens. To go deeper into moments… the ones non-handicapped people wonder about in their heads but are too afraid to utter out loud. I encourage you to ask questions. I/we won’t bite. Don’t worry about getting the phrasing perfect just put it out there. Fear of the unknown stunts us all.
Yes, I am a man stuck between two worlds. ABLE and DISABLED. Make no mistake, my disability is my superpower. Thanks for reading and going on this journey with me. Welcome to “My Wheelhouse”
