Ambition: Cerebral Palsy, Come & Take It.
Disclaimer: written using voice dictation… My voice is faster than my one finger. Please excuse some typos.
Ambition serves as a catalyst for human progress. We are born with it, then as we grow it evolves with us. As people, we are all products of our environment. Certain factors are out of our control…like having a disability. I was born with Cerebral Palsy- its the only life I know. Some of us, have more opportunities than others to grow and cultivate our drive. Additionally, systems and people that push us to put in the work. I love Wale’s take on it:
“Ambition is priceless that’s something that’s in your veins.
And I doubt that ever change.
Ambition is my shit and I put that on my name.
And I doubt that ever change.”
Before we go any further it’s important to highlight how each of my parents has fit into molding my desire and determination. First, there is my Mom. As a child, she was my advocate (now that falls on me.) Mom was my mental and emotional anchor. She is without question, a staunch believer in keeping hyper-real. Our big talks have run the gamut from like me at 11 years old: wanted to play pro ball. — 18 years old me thought I would go to Sacred Heart or the University of South Carolina for school. That was an emphatic NO! Truthfully, at that time I was not near the life skills I needed. OHHH and my academic record focused on the wrong part of the alphabet. I got benched, off to a JUCO I’m surprised I’m still here to write this blog. *COUGHS* It was the best move I never wanted. Thanks, Mom! I know you have never enjoyed our real chats but it comes with your job.
Next is Dad, he’s a man of few words. He keeps it really real too. From an early age, he anchored my physical development at home… Left hand and your legs. “ use them or lose them!” He tells a story… I was maybe 2, He had a cookie- without hesitation, I reached out with my left hand. From that moment on he knew I could use it. To this day he won’t let me forget it! If Cookie Monster taught me anything, it is that C is for cookie, and cookies are for me! Gotta hustle! All my chairs growing up were custom manual chairs. I pushed myself through school until high school. Each time I was eligible for a new chair, electric chair? emphatic NO! LAZY! *COUGHS* in his way he was right as well. Appreciate it, Dad.
Lastly, my Stepdad, he entered my life early in my teens. He is my technical advisor. He had been where I needed to go- College. He brought with him a different type of realness, propelling me intellectually. I saved the best part for last, he built me my “lab”. Thanks soooo much.
It’s crazy to imagine what small moments can ignite one’s imagination. The first of these moments for me was when my stepdad built me my room complete with a bathroom. Some people go to gyms, this was my lab. I spent countless hours trying to perfect foot placement… hand placement and wheelchair position. Little did I know, a simple bathroom transfer would become the biggest fuel for my future ambitions and achievements. I will be forever indebted to those two grab bars and a toilet. Without that, there is not a UAlbany campus life or beyond… No memories that came with those experiences.
Living with CP means adapting to a new normal every day. One day putting on my shoes or pants won’t take me long at all maybe 5 to 10 minutes. The next day that same process with my body positioned the same way might take me 20 or more. Some days I take an L or two. I have not transferred myself to the toilet in quite some time that’s just how things have to be for now. One of my biggest fears is my physical skills atrophying. I possess almost no muscle memory. How long will it take to retrain my muscles and nerves that hardly ever communicate well with each other? If I don’t get the basics right… Bye Bye big plans. This doesn’t sit well with the competitor within me. It’s the little things that can be the biggest threat to dreams and goals. Death by a thousand cuts. (Plays 2Pac) So many battlefield scars while driven in plush cars…my ambitions as a ridah.
Throughout history, the phrase “Come and Take It” has been used by defenders facing long odds as a defiant answer to invaders. First, by Leonidas, and his 300, later during the Texas Revolution. It’s a big part of the state of Texas ethos. If you attend a University of Texas tailgate you’ll see the “Come and Take It” flag more than once. We fire Smokey the Cannon for touchdowns, home runs, and of course victories. All of us are trying to navigate this pandemic new world order. We are all constantly bombarded with daily challenges and threats to our objectives. Many of us travel with a silent partner… CP, Autism, ADHD, etc. As for me, I gotta stay ready! My drive and what I choose to do with it are my choice. Remember, ambition is my shit and I put that on my name. And I doubt that ever change.”Hey CP, same time tomorrow?? Come and take it! FIRE THE CANNON!
